WITH his Lacoste jumper slung over his shoulders in that casual European way, Pim Verbeek ambled around Bluetongue Stadium before stopping for a pre-match chat with Boogs.

“Hello Nigel! I wonder if you could recommend a good hairdresser on ze coast? I want to get cool hircut like ziss Andre Gumprecht, okay? He iss very popular – always his fridge magnet iss sold out at merch stand, okay?”

Eavesdropping on the conversations of international coaches is just one of the benefits of sitting near the Mariners’ bench - actually a set of K-Mart plastic garden chairs.

Others include hearing the coach’s furious (if unintelligible) instructions to his players after an unfortunate own goal and watching their devastated expressions as they leave the field after an exhausting defeat.

Is it just me, or do other people ever feel nauseous watching their team warm up for a crucial match? I got so anxious waiting for the match to start that I attempted to distract myself by flipping through the program, when I noticed a prominent ad in the Positions Vacant section.

“Wanted : 6’ 3’’ Defensive Midfielder to join local team. Good working conditions. Ability to score goals essential. No time wasters.”

From the direction of the bench I heard a frustrated Scottish voice: “Och, tell them they’re dreaming !”

Losing Mile before the end of the season has been traumatic, but it’s time for us to move on. Tough as it is to accept, we will not see his like again and we need to focus on the strengths of the players we already have.

Saturday night’s loss was a slap in the face but in some weird way it was the slap we had to have. There is undoubtedly enough depth in our squad, not to mention enough determination, to take on anyone: tactics, attitude and a bit of luck will be the deciding factor in the weeks ahead.

Upfront we have four strong strikers to choose from, but though I love to watch attacking play perhaps it might be better to leave two on the bench and fortify the midfield instead. Just because you own a lot of bling doesn’t mean you have to wear it all at once.

Yes, we made some defensive errors which led to goals against us but so did Roar. Fighting off the flu, Heff was often outpaced by the amazingly speedy Minniecon but he also set up a goal for Simon.

Pedj was an unfortunate victim of an own goal, but nobody fights harder than he does, and he has the scars to prove it. Many fans seem to believe football is a bit like real estate : the three most important things are position, position, and position. But just who should shift and would it have made a difference ?

The two goals we gave away too easily were directly before and after half-time – surely this shows a lack of concentration, which could happen to any player whatever his position. In truth, despite the less than stellar display in the second half, only an outstanding save from McMaster prevented Simon’s hattrick and another “Comeback Kings” headline.

But while the Mariners’ luck finally ran out, other results show the footballing gods are still on our side. No Sky Blues fan cheered louder than me when Danning scored – and didn’t you just love his Oscar-style speech afterwards? “I’d like to thank my coach, my parents, all the fans..” And Dadi – you’re a deadset legend, mate.

Perhaps the fate of Victory and CCM this week prove Kossie to be a true footballing genius after all: we both “scored too early”, or as lesser footballing brains might put it we “failed to hang on to our early advantage”.

Either way, we face each other on Friday and it’s my birthday – but I don’t expect you to gift wrap the three points. Just avoid any major injuries on the spray-painted turf and shut down Archie.

As I wandered dejectedly out of the stadium on Saturday I cheered myself up by imagining the scenes when we welcome Pohang Steelers to the tropical surrounds of Bluetongue.

To watch two “smalltown” teams like CCM and the Jets take on Asia is an amazing prospect. I’m almost delirious with excitement anticipating the months ahead, but a bit worried about those plastic chairs. Maybe we could add a K-Mart sunshade to make the Steelers’ bench look a little more upmarket.