COUCH? Check. Beer? Check? Replica shirt? Check. Here we go – Phoenix against Glory.

The last time these two met it was a dreadful match as both sides were more concerned with avoiding defeat than seeking victory. I really hope it’s not the same tonight. Predictably, Leo Bertos replaces the disappointing Adam Kwasnik in the starting line-up and faces his old club for the first time. Last year’s skipper and cult hero Ross Aloisi is in the commentary box. I hope this is a good omen.

Leo’s involved a lot early up and down the right. Gao gets a chance to run at defenders, cuts inside, beats two and fires off the first shot of the match. He does it again and wins a corner. Why doesn’t he do that more often? Then, out of nothing, Rukavytsa gets away from Durante, fires in a shot which Paston dives over and it’s 1-0.

It’s not a good match so far. The touches of quality aren’t there from either side. Passes in the final third don’t find feet. Balls are hopefully wellied forward to no-one. Bertos is the exception and looks the most likely to set something up for Phoenix. Gao, on the other hand, has drifted onto the periphery of the game.

Half-time. It’s so frustrating watching this. Phoenix shouldn’t lose to Perth. They’ve had most of the ball and man for man, they’re a better side, but for whatever reason, they’re gun-shy and ineffective in the attacking third. At least at 1-0 down they’ll need to chase the game.

Second half. Again it’s Bertos who’s most prominent, but there’re still no genuine chances being created. Gao is practically anonymous, but ironically when he does get involved he shows touches of quality. Does he just not care enough? Djulbic goes down injured over the sideline for Perth, but crawls back onto the pitch so play can’t go on without him. Cheating, or just clever?

Rukavytsa speeds past Durante, but this time Paston saves to keep Phoenix in it. Twenty-five to go. Come on Ricki; make a change. He does – two in fact – with Ferrante and Costa Barbarouses on for Coveny (sensibly) and Gao (thankfully). Costa makes an immediate impact, jinking down the line to fire in a dangerous cross. Just as hopes of a comeback rise, Rukavytsa again uses his lethal pace to punish the Phoenix. 2-0. Shit.

Daniel replaces Bertos. I really can’t understand that. Bertos doesn’t look injured. At 2-0 down, why not take a defender off and throw caution to the wind? A loss by three or four-nil will be no worse than one by this margin.

The game meanders to a close. There’s so much to work on for Phoenix, not least the creation and finishing of chances. A meagre eight goals in ten games says it all. Smeltz has had another quiet game, his second in succession. When this team goes behind, there’s no reason to believe at present they’ll be able to fight their way back. To top it all off, Phoenix finish the weekend bottom of the A-League. I need another beer.