MATT Osman gave his farewell ‘performance’ for the Mariners last week against Tianjin. It was the only laugh we had on an otherwise wet and miserable evening.
Matt's amusing attempt to mimic the ludicrous antics of the Tianjin players might have raised the ire of the ref, if the ref hadn't already had a whole chorus line of other players and officials to deal with.
A couple of weeks ago, no lesser player than Fabregas was cautioned for mimicking diving in front of the ref, after Drogba had demonstrated the full gamut of his "skills" in Chelsea's 4-1 win over Arsenal. Monsieur Wenger wasn't amused either. "We live in a league now where the divers are rewarded", he sniffed. "If you ask me the question of whether Drogba dived, it means you have a doubt in your mind."
There could be no doubt in the minds of anyone watching the final 20 minutes of the Mariners match against Tianjin that some very serious simulation was going down. As a drama teacher, watching bad acting is one of my occupational hazards, but I have never seen such a display of rampant melodrama on a football field. To witness this in an international match was nothing short of disgusting.
Last season we saw a few ugly incidents of diving in the A-League, but this was on a far grander scale. By the end of the match I wondered whether the Tianjin players had put bets on to see who could get away with the most stupidity. Wilko was seen laughing openly at one bizarre double act that would've been a hit at the Sydney Comedy Festival. Perhaps match officials should have checked the Tianjin bench to see if it included a doctor, physio and slapstick coach ?
It's been suggested that the AFC should send video footage of the incidents to a match review panel with a view to sanctioning the club. What a good idea : just make sure you include some highly experienced referees, ex-players and of course, John Bell. Perhaps their sanctions could include completing a six month course at NIDA.
Yeah, I know : trhe Mariners lost. But at least they lost with their dignity intact. Who'd want to support a team that resorted to such blatant bad sportsmanship? At the risk of sounding sexist, there's something incredibly unmanly about players who resort to diving, as if they doubt their own physical ability to win fairly. Diving is a bit like footballing Viagra: you could use it but why would you need to ?
Or as Bozza said one late night recently on Fox Sports: "Football is a man's game". I can't quite remember which footballer's hissy fit prompted this remark (sometimes I drift off during the Bozza/Bulldog raves), and maybe he was just trying to impress the lovely Mel - but we all know what he means. Players who exhibit such unsporting conduct need to toughen up : there are worse things than losing.
Of course, female footballers are not immune to a bit of pantomime, as anyone who has ever watched the Women's World Cup can attest. The W-League, however, proved itself a model of fair play, and Australian footballers, by and large, demonstrate good sportsmanship. We like to win, but as Lucas Neill quietly noted after Germany 2006, the thought of winning through feigning injury or seeking unfair advantage is simply "un-Australian". (Not including a bit of reasonable sledging, of course).
Perhaps as a young footballing nation we are simply being naïve. Instead of employing sports scientists, psychologists and nutritionists, the FFA should be investing in a few drama coaches. I'd happily volunteer my services to help the Socceroos extend their talents before they need to "perform on the world stage". "Let's try that fall again, Marco darling, but this time make the audience really FEEL the pain..."
Let's face it, our nation's produced Cate Blanchett, Russell Crow and Geoffrey Rush - when did a Brazilian actor last win an Academy Award ?
Or is it too much to ask that FIFA take a worldwide stand against simulation? Referees cannot be expected to see it all, but video footage tells the whole story to anyone with a TV, and it's not a pretty sight. Maybe an advertising campaign could also help.
How about a group of attractive Brazilian women watching some ridiculous play-acting on the pitch and waving their little fingers derisively with the slogan: "Diving - No-one Thinks Big Of You."
And so we bid a fond farewell to Rizzo, Osman, O'Grady, Owens and our beloved Gumps. Thanks for the memories - may you continue to play and enjoy the game we love for many years to come.
