IN THE past few weeks since Australia qualified for the World Cup, one crucial issue has been clouding my sense of excitement: where are we going to find ourselves a decent World Cup song ?

Numerous commentators have bemoaned the less than ecstatic response to the Socceroos qualification. What could be better than a suitably rousing football anthem to fire up the Australian public ?

Most football songs, like beer ads, need to be somewhat big and dumb to work. Corny as it was, who can honestly say they've never sung along to "Ole, Ole, Ole" ?

That mildly irritatingly number seems classy however, when compared with some of the horrendous "music" inflicted upon the public in the name of football. English comedians are particularly guilty as are players themselves who choose to sing (don't give up your day job...).

My earliest memory of this strange phenomenon is "The Anfield Rap" from the late 1980s, in which our own Craig Johnston sang the immortal words "they say I'm big downunder but my wife don't agree."  Oh dear.

Spurs are particularly famous for their recorded output, including singing with Chas'n'Dave and famously rhyming Tottenham with "no-one to stop them." England's World Cup songs are generally loud, singalong chants with a few sad jokes about Germany accompanied by a video of babes shivering in English flag bikinis.

But amongst all the trash, some truly great songs have been written about football.  The Wedding Present's tribute to George Best and Billy Bragg's haunting "God's Footballer" which tells the story of Wolves Peter Knowles (brother of Cyril) are among the best. Bragg, a lifelong Hammers fan, also penned a brilliantly acerbic picture of English football fans abroad called "The Few".

What makes these songs work is that they are written by fine songwriters who also happen to be football fans, rather than football fans who can't really write a decent song.

Now I don't know about you, but I've been quietly praying that the FFA don't make the same mistake as last time and allow SBS to run another lame reality show to find a "Song For The Socceroos".  Let me say this as loudly as possible: this is NOT a job for amateurs (particularly amateurs who have no interest in football). 

Who could forget the truly woeful 2006 series, in which a bunch of fairly mediocre musicians cranked out endless bland power ballads and pub songs.

It was a great relief when Freedom of Thought, seemingly the only contestants with a genuine passion for football, finally won the contest.  Sadly, while their lyrics were entertaining ("I wanna jump and scream in a stadium full of Australians!") the version of "Green and Gold" released to the public lacked musical power and was barely played during The World Cup campaign.

Unfortunately, a music video posted a few weeks ago on YouTube seems to indicate that once again, the Socceroos have been given a less than inspiring "anthem" to carry them on to South Africa.

Not exactly a song to get people up on the dance floor, is it ?  In fact, it sounds like some outdated 80s dirge that wouldn't be out of place on Farnsey's Greatest Hits.

It's unclear whether this song has been commissioned by the FFA or whether the band JD Soundworx have simply written it of their own accord.  Either way, it's a far cry from the big, fun dance song we desperately need to be the soundtrack to our parties next year.

Perhaps listening to this (The Greatest Football Song Ever) will give you an idea what I mean.

Although it's nearly 20 years old, this song sounds timelessly cool while also capturing all the fun and excitement of a World Cup campaign.  It combines classic New Order dance beats, a sizzling rap from John Barnes, sampled commentary from England's 1966 triumph and a hilarious chorus from the players themselves.  Why can't the Socceroos have something in a similar vein ?

With all the outstanding musical talent in Australia, why should we settle for something that makes us look like uncool amateurs ? 

What we need is a gloriously addictive dance number from The Presets (ok, so they're rugby fans ) or Sneaky Sound System.  Even better, surely Adelaide's finest The Hilltop Hoods could produce a song that would light up dance floors from here to Cape Town.  Sampled Harps rave and Josh Kennedy rap optional.

My name is Kennedy, I am your enemy, they call me the Messiah cos I can jump higher. Check out my long hair, I'm every keeper's nightmare and when Pim subs me on you know I do no wrong.