CAN you hear that sickening silence ? It’s the sound of several yet-to-be-named Mariners players waiting for the axe to fall.
Call me squeamish but I just can't look, much less join the ghoulish speculation over whose head is about to roll. While no doubt changes are necessary (some would argue they're well overdue) the timing could have been better.
In two weeks time the club begins marketing its Season Five membership packages, but what exactly is it selling? While other A-League clubs are breathlessly announcing fresh signings and pre-season matches against the likes of Wolves and Fulham, more question marks hang over the Version 5 Mariners than on The Riddler's green suit.
Call me cynical, but it's difficult to get excited about an upcoming season when you don't even know who's in the squad. Eight weeks doesn't seem like much time to find and recruit half a dozen quality players, not to mention gain some playing experience as a team.
Then there's the small matter of the Season Five draw, which is less than thrilling for Mariners fans. As I mentioned several weeks ago, there are only four home matches in the first fifteen rounds : not exactly the way to build up crowd support, particularly with a crop of unfamiliar players. Plus the two Clayton's "home" matches which will be played elsewhere (but where and why??)
With all the disappointment of the ACL campaign, wouldn't it be a gesture of good faith for the club to give supporters some reassurance about the upcoming season ? I was told that the club was planning to make a statement that answered these questions but so far we've heard nothing.
All we know for sure is that Lawrie will still be there, and in Lawrie we trust. "Have faith in Lawrie," I keep telling my disgruntled family and friends, "only he can rebuild the team. Be patient, remember his track record, be grateful for stability".
But though I try to be positive, the fact is this is a dismal time to be a Mariners fan. We need something to get excited about, and I don't mean the pre-season sale price of thongs at the merch stand.
In an attempt to find a laugh last week, I went to see "Shane Warne - The Musical". Written by and starring the sensational Eddie Perfect, it was an outrageous, hilarious and totally entertaining show. The highlight was when Shane took one of his mum's diet pills, inducing a ludicrous dream sequence featuring scantily clad women, Playboy undies and a man dressed as a giant smouldering cigarette. Now that's what I call Art.
Eddie doesn't know it yet, but in 5 years time he's going to be taking on a new project with me: "Mariners : The Musical". With a bit of black hair dye and some voice coaching from that guy who plays "Taggart", Eddie could do a really convincing job as Lawrie. We'll get Hugh Jackman to play Lyall and David Wenham as Alex Tobin.
This will be the moment at the beginning of the second act when Lawrie's alone on stage in a spotlight, singing a heart-rending yet satirical number about the tough decisions managers have to make. After seeking solace in some dodgy fish and chips, he gets food poisoning and dozes off on a Mariners towel on Terrigal Beach Cue tacky dream sequence featuring a Chinese dragon, angry fans and the ghost of Mile Jedinak chasing him through Erina Fair. Are you with me ?
But hey, this is music theatre, so just like Shane, Lawrie will survive this terrifying ordeal and several others yet to come. The final triumphant dance number will be set at the glamorous Mingara Recreation Club where the Mariners will be celebrating their hard-fought 2011 Grand Final victory against GCU (Clive Palmer brilliantly portrayed by Bert Newton).
Ok, so I've gone a little too far : psychologists call it Loss-Induced Hysteria. It doesn't mean I don't have a grip on reality, I'd just rather hang out somewhere else right now. Sure, I wouldn't dream of missing the match this week but perhaps that's just the triumph of faith over experience. Plus who would want to miss seeing the final match of _________ ? (insert foundation player's name here)
At the risk of sounding even more unbalanced, I really love my team. Whoever is leaving, I will miss them and wish them well. Eddie and I will be sure to write them a great farewell song.
In a week when former Matildas captain Moya Dodd became the first Australian elected to the AFC Executive, *Peter Fitzsimons chooses instead to make a gratuitous reference to Ljubo M's private life. Big news ! (*Apparently he's a sports journalist.)
