IN THE wake of the Oscars, Grammys and Baftas, the A-League "glitterazzi" ( © A. Harper) came together this week to celebrate those who have given so much to Australian football during Season Four. Congratulations to the following worthy recipients :
The Catch My Disease Award : Paul "Isn't it EXCITING, Harps ?" Trimboli.
Does anyone love football more than Trimmers ?
The Missing You Already Award : Kossie.
Hope he's left that Czech bloke his manual on dealing with the media.
The Once and Future King Award : Mark Bosnich
Intelligence, class and charisma to burn - on and off the pitch.
The Mr T "Get Some Nuts" Award : Kevin Muscat
Didn't your kindy teacher tell you not to touch other boys "special" bits ?
Lamest Half-Time Entertainment Award : The Mariners' "Kiss Me" Competition
If we wanted to see horrifying big screen close-ups of middle-aged couples pashing we'd spend our Saturday nights at the Gosford RSL.
The Accident Waiting To Happen Award : Poor Pitches
(Occupational Health and Safety, anyone ?)
The Bite The Hand That Feeds You Award : Con - on his very high horse.
Most Cliched Post Match Comment Award : "Credit To The Boys"
(The team lost 3-0 "credit to the boys, they never gave up". The team won 3-0 "credit to the boys, they never gave up")
The Maradona "Terry Who?" Award : Peter Fitzsimons
Prominent Sydney sports writer who thinks displaying his total ignorance of football with tedious regularity is amusing, eg "Kaka ? No, I haven't heard of him either."
The Stand By Your Man Award : Lyall Gorman
His public support of Vukes during his lengthy appeal process was inspiring.
The Greatest A-League Moment Ever Award : Reds v Gamba in the ACL Final
Have we really come this far ?
The "She's Just Not That Into You" Award : Ben Buckley
A girl comes up to you at a party and says "soccer sucks and no-one cares about it anyway". Do you : (a) ignore her and laugh about it with your friends
(b) take it as a compliment from someone who must feel really jealous
(c) issue a twenty page defence of football in a pointless attempt to win her approval
The Grumpy Old Man Award : Craig Foster
Come on, Fossie - just lie back and enjoy the A-League. You know you want to.
The You'll Never Walk Alone Award : Adelaide and Victory Fans.
Their united tribute to the bushfire victims was heartfelt and beautiful.
The Shakespearean Insult Award : Aurelio Vidmar
Inspired by Viddy's creative use of English, expect to hear other coaches decry gorbellied Gosford, spleeny Sydney, beslubbering Brisbane and mewling Melbourne.
The Independent Woman Award : Sarah Ho
As the A-League's only female assistant ref she copped some fairly sexist comments from spectators and remained professional. Good on ya, love.
The "I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor" Award : Mr Van Egmond
I've heard some Puerto Rican girls are just dyin ta meetcha...
The Shaken But Not Stirred Award : Craig Moore
After showing astounding fortitude, deserved to lead his team into the Grand Final.
The Most Entertaining Commentator Award : Andy Harper.
"Adelaide have got to get through this psychological barrier that's developed into quite an enormous gorilla on their backs, if I can mix my metaphors of psychology and anatomy in such a way."
Mmmm - I'll have what he's having.
