WHEN Professor Clive J. Palmer declared that Gold Coast United would go through their first season undefeated, he was actually articulating the club's marketing plan.
Other proposals to engage the community at a grassroots level had been thrown in the bin, and one staff member who dared challenge him on the issue is said to have been immediately sacked, according to club folklore.
That's how Clive works. My way or the highway. And yet Clive's way often reaps success. So in the wake of the hugely unpopular decision to cap Skilled Park crowds at 5,000, I've been trying to detect some method behind Clive Palmer's apparent madness. Come with me on a little journey...
First up, let's note that Gold Coast United are already halfway through their inaugural season, and (despite some commendable efforts) have completely missed a golden opportunity to launch their team with a big bang in the community. Twelve games into the competition, there's no sign that home crowds will improve significantly before the finals. That ship has sadly sailed.
Even if the club launch a massive marketing drive tomorrow, and even if Miron Bleiberg's team continue dominating the table, there's still little chance that home crowds will rise much above 5,000 until the end of February 2010.
Gold Coast's next two games have are already been capped. The next two Skilled Park games after that are against the Central Coast on December 5th, and then Perth on December 20th. Based on previous encounters, neither of these games is likely to draw a big crowd. The Roar game on December 26th will surely will not be capped, but the last four home games of the regular season could well be.
By capping the crowds until Boxing Day, Clive will save himself $400,000. If we draw a big crowd against Brisbane, maybe - just maybe - Clive will drop the cap. Otherwise he'll leave it in place and save another $400,000 by season's end. That's nearly a million dollars, which is a lot of money in anybody's language, even a billionaire's. Let's just hope he spends some of it on marketing the finals!
I assume that Clive has seen the writing on the wall. I think he's launching this pre-emptive strike on crowd figures because he wants to feel in control, when in fact the problem is already out of his hands (at least for the next few months). It's not great public relations, but it probably makes his ego feel a bit better.
The financial downside is that Palmer's antics are alienating his own fan base, enraging the FFA, and surely giving Anna Bligh nothing more than a good case of the giggles. Even if stadium costs are lowered, Clive still needs to spend even more money next year, winning back the support of disgruntled fans, and courting new supporters in the broader community. Otherwise things will be looking much the same for Season Two.
And that's even if Bleiberg's boys do win an inaugural championship, which is looking increasingly unlikely too. Clive's antics are clearly disturbing the players, as that 6-0 loss to the Nix proved. But for all the on- and off-field dramas, recent reports of a split in the playing group are complete nonsense.
I've been in contact with a few of the lads, and they insist that they all remain focussed on doing their jobs. Yes, they are frustrated with the crowds, but unlike Clive Mensink they don't blame their existing fans for that. Nor do they blame each other. They blame Clive Palmer and other club officials.
The players say they have regularly approached the club about doing more community and school gigs, but officials want them to concentrate on training instead. You see? There's that Clive Palmer marketing plan in action again - you guys just win all the games, and we'll take care of the rest. What could possibly go wrong, eh?
In spite of all this, the squad remains focussed and optimistic. Every new club is going to have a few teething problems. The boys want existing fans to keep coming to the games, and they are desperate to smash a few more goals past the Fury after last week's fiasco. For me, that's more than enough reason to forget any ideas of boycotting Skilled Park.
The sporting public is notoriously fickle, especially here on the Gold Coast where glitz and glamour rule the waterways. If our team can make the finals, I would still expect to see sell-out houses at Robina. And I'm confident Jason Culina will still be lifting the toilet seat in the new year. After that, who will even remember this little contre-temps?
Well, I certainly will. "United We Stand" is a cute theme song, but evidently the slogan doesn't include the fans. We fans stand with the players, not the management. At least until they learn their lesson.
If the FFA want to throw the book at Clive Palmer, good luck to them. Just don't hit any innocent by-standers, please.
See you all on Saturday night.
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Finally, just to cheer everybody up a bit, here's the best Miron Bleiberg quote in quite a while, courtesy of ABC Sport: "The fact of the matter is the situation and that's it and we live with it."