So, anyway, what happened was... A year ago I was doing some in-depth research on Pierre Littbarski (ie putting his name into Google and seeing what came up.) Among the “Sydney FC Manager Appointed” and “Short-Arse Kraut Wins World Cup” headlines was a bit in German about his estranged daughter, Michelle.

click to view full size image(Littbarski, for those who didn't know, had left his first wife and family behind in Germany when he buggered off to Japan to coach there, finding himself a new wife in the process, and then moving Down Under.)

Anyway, Michelle Littbarski had gone on the German version of Big Brother, got her boobahs out, shaved her bikini line on live TV and generally blabbed about what a crap dad Pierre was. We have pics of the whole boobahs thing but this is a family site, so of course I couldn’t possibly include them on the blog. They are here, however...

Now, Pierre wasn’t very pleased about all this when he found out although we’re not sure if it was his teenage daughter’s nudity or the airing of the family’s dirty linen in public that concerned him more. Either way, he decided to cut off her allowance to teach her a lesson. Unfortunately, she, in return, decided to teach him a lesson.

And in the midst of my in-depth research (ie wasting my time clicking on meaningless links), I found Michelle was having a bit of a garage sale on eBay in Germany. Except the contents of the garage were all Pierre Littbarski’s treasured football memorabilia, which he had left behind for safe-keeping in Germany.

click to view full size imageUp for grabs were all the international football jerseys he swapped with the stars he played against – including, ironically, Terry Butcher’s old England shirt (minus bloodstains) – plus all his scrapbooks, training tops and awards. Just so you knew it was genuine – and that there was no doubt who was selling it - she’d even throw in a signed postcard for the premium items. It was a fine haul and probably priceless to Pierre.

However to us, it was worth exactly 63 Euros. Sadly, we discovered the sell-off too late to snap up Butcher’s shirt (who at that stage hadn’t been appointed as new Sydney FC boss). But we did manage to pick up one of Pierre’s old club training tops for the princely sum of 63 Euros.

Originally, we had planned to return it to him as the last remaining memento of his playing career after Michelle’s eBay spree. But in between us bidding, and us getting the shirt, Littbarski was forced out by Sydney and flew off back to Japan.

We then intended to come up with a competition to give it away to a reader...but we hadn’t reckoned on the problems of international communication. Namely, a seller who only spoke German and a FourFourTwo accountant who barely spoke English, never mind German. He also seems to have had a problem with the difference between Euros and Aussie dollars.

Anyway, after countless threats and disputes, the shirt finally turned up – but far too late to do anything with it in the mag, so it’s been sat on my desk for the past few months, forgotten about until I found it today.

click to view full size imageSo...wanna genuine Pierre Littbarski FC Koln training top? It’s yours for the funniest caption to this pic AND/OR the funniest suggestion for what you will do with the top once we’ve handed it over.

Leave your captions and suggestions in the comments section below, make sure the email address you give is genuine (don't worry, it’s not displayed), and we’ll pick a winner sometime soon. Easy.

And remember, if you’re a World Cup hero, NEVER piss off a teenage girl with access to eBay...