That rambunctious mining magnate, Clive Palmer, is at it again. Here's a bloke who doesn't bat an eye at losing $8 million a day but gets a bad case of tourettes when confronted by a pizzling crowd.

A common affliction among the Gold Coast United management evidently  -  blurting socially inappropriate and threatening phrases such as  "crowd cap" every few months.

It's all beginning the sound like one of those B-grade horror flicks. Most football pundits have gone with the perfunctory Return of the Cap but my preference is for Nightmare on Stadium Drive or The Blob that Ate Robina.

Whatever, it's bad news for Gold Coast fans and yet another worrying sign for the A-League.

Channeling Lesley Gore's It's my party and I'll cap if I want to, Palmer is the perfect example of what can happen when big business gets into bed with professional sport - the fans occasionally get short-sheeted.

No wonder supporters are waking up with morning after regrets. Palmer is an artless paramour of the old school, holding to the golden rule that in any courtship the one that picks up the tab is entitled to some love. In this case a great orgy of appreciation at Skilled Park would be just the ticket.

I get the bit about fiscal responsibility, really I do. According to all reports United need around 9000 fans in the stands to balance the books. The 5000 cap is simply a question of good business, right? But here's the problem: football is not just another product and A-league fans have a lot to lose if the FFA allows clubs to be defined by soulless business principles.

I'm not critical of entrepreneurs who invest in our clubs, quite the contrary. I have this naff dream of waking up with a tidy nest egg of - oh, I don't know - $3 billion or so, buying a new football club, flying the team around in my private jet and going through the first season undefeated. Yes - it's far-fetched.

But I also know it takes more than the latest version of MYOB and a stockpile of 160 billion tonnes of iron ore to build a club. Professional sport - and in this case football - can't be sold like it's just any other product. Business is about managing uncertainty and reducing the variables. Football on the other hand is inconsistent and unpredictable. Sure the manager might wax lyrical about the squad he's put together, but only someone who has never experienced the highs and lows of nailing your heart to the club colours would suggest success on and off the field is a forgone conclusion.

Kelvinator could never run with the line: "We've put together a really good fridge and we're confident it keeps stuff super cold and provided all the components work together as we've intended this should be achievable although nothing is certain - that's white goods for you."

Similarly football clubs could never pull off a "works first time or your money back" offer. This is a "product" that thrives on uncertainty. It's why some enthusiastic kids from up north, written off as wooden-spooners, could put the reigning champions to the sword.

At its heart, football is just that - heart. Success requires an emotional connection between the fans and the club. Sure you swear by White King Oxy-Lift Stain Remover but you don't love it (unless of course you're in a small room without proper ventilation). Which is why the FFA could do better than flick through the pages of the BRW 200 rich list for the owners of A-League clubs.

I know, I know, Clive - if the cap fits. But it doesn't really. To be truthful it's bloody uncomfortable. And not just for Gold Coast United.