Due to an unfortunate association between myself and Bundaberg Rum during my university days, I was once given a birthday present in the form of a can of Bundy in a clear case, with the words "In Case of Emergency, Break Glass" emblazoned below it. I haven't yet found myself in dire enough straits to make use of it, but I'm not so sure the emergency lever next to Tony Sage's desk at Perth Glory HQ is in the same position.

Near Tony Sage's desk there is a glass box with a lever inside, complete with warnings about using it mid-season or too early into a coach's tenure. This lever of course opens up a small hole in the ground under the current manager's feet, containing a sack into which the aforementioned manager will fall. The sack (and coach) can then be disposed of in a sanitary way. It's all very cleverly designed really; biodegradable and all. Until now, I've been against Tony breaking into this glass box; but now I honestly see no other option. Let this blog therefore mark the point in time at which I gave up on 'Mitch' and demanded better of my club and its manager.

At the beginning of the season, Perth Glory were touted as title contenders. At the end of Round '20' (amusingly completed before Round 19) it is now clear that under Dave Mitchell, Glory may struggle to even be labelled title pretenders. Not only has the team won just a solitary game in nine weeks, but the level of morale within the playing group must surely now be at an all-time low. While I know that Tony Sage swore last year to rip the cancer from the club, I can't help but think the surgery he performed missed a spot or two; and I now reckon one of those spots is none other than David Mitchell himself.

Think about it this way - last year, Glory had a significantly different playing group to this season. They had a much smaller budget in comparison, thanks to Tony Sage's cash injections this year. There was less coaching staff on board when compared to this year. In other words, this year presented a much better opportunity for the club to make the A-League finals, and yet we're still languishing in seventh place - the exact same position we finished last year. The one constant in all these changes is David Mitchell himself. He has at his disposal a stronger, more talented, and more experienced playing group than at any other time in our A-League history. Yet somehow he has taken a team containing three Socceroos and several ex-pats of some of Europe's best leagues and turned them into a steaming pile of mediocrity.

That's just the big picture. Looking at the finer details, even more cracks begin to emerge in the Mitchell reign. First up is his steadfast refusal to drop his preferred players; it seems that if you're down with the Mitchdawg, you'll be looked after. Wayne Srhoj, Adriano Pellegrino, Jamie Coyne, Mile Sterjovski, Naum Sekulovski - I'm looking at you. Tied in with this, he seems completely unwilling to give anyone in the youth team a go, despite their fantastic form. Next we have his refusal to look at certain other players that are in the actual senior side; Andrija Jukic, Howard "Yes, I am on a senior contract" Fondyke, and the pariah himself, Eugene Dadi. Then there's his tactical inflexibility and bewildering lack of mid-game changes. In fact, I could go on, but I can't really be bothered talking about David Mitchell's issues any longer.

It is obvious then that Mitchell has too many flaws to continue in his present role at the club any longer. I don't mind if he stays as a scout - he seems quite good at that - but we desperately need a new manager if we're to have an impact come finals time; or even if we're to make the finals! With this in mind, here's Dave's Glory New Manager Criteria (TM):

  • Ability to instil discipline in his squad. We desperately need someone to make their mark on this squad, and tell those not performing that they'll need to either pull up their socks or they'll be fobbed off to the youth team... or worse.
  • Motivational Skills. This team currently looks flatter than the rabbit pancakes which dot WA's country highways. The new coach needs to be able to give a lift to all players in the squad, spurring on those few who are still actually playing well, and raising the spirits of those currently trapped in a Mitchell Coma. I never want to see this team trudge out onto the park like they did against North Queensland or Gold Coast again. Our coach needs to put passion back into this team.
  • A willingness to give the kids a go. We're second in the National Youth League for a reason. We've won five games on the trot. We've players like Ludo Boi in red-hot form. It's time to give them a gig in the senior side; especially if they keep playing like they have the last couple of months.
  • Don't play favourites. It's a clean slate for everyone. If you train your guts out and impress the coach, you should be worthy of a starting spot - regardless of your age, experience, or name.

Given all the above, and the fact that I'm advocating Tony Sage break that glass and ditch Mitch as of right now, we need to consider the possible replacements. My preference is for a experienced coach from continental Europe with good tactical knowledge and well-established training methods to come in and take the reigns next year. This won't of course help this year's attempt at the finals, so we need to look for a short-term solution. The options are:

  • A recycled coach from the Australian coaching scrapheap. Think Farina, Kosmina, Arnold, or Nick Theo. Also think "Fuck no". I do not want any of these guys at my club. I doubt they'd come for only a short time anyway, but I guess even drunks and violent wannabe-commentators have to eat sometime. Additionally, none of them are really that much better than the 'averageness' of Mitchell, and many have the ego to cause even further damage to the club and playing group. So I'd therefore stay away from this option, no matter how much the idea of Andy Todd KO'ing Frank Farina appeals to me...
  • One of Mitchell's Assistants. Again, no. We should be learning from the Smith-Mitchell saga that sacking a coach and letting his assistant take the reigns does not work. We need a full cleanout of the coaching staff next year, letting Mitchell's replacement pick and choose his own people.
  • Gareth Naven (National Youth League Coach). Gareth is a legend of Glory in his own right. With over 140 games to his credit with the club, including a Most Glorious Player award back in 2000, Gareth has transferred his skills as a player into a coaching role, and the Glory kids are reaping the benefits. Together with fellow MGP winner and Glory favourite Scott Miller, Naven has taken the Glory youth from a financial burden on the club to a serious title contender. The senior players would probably be familiar with him, the local lads would have a great deal of respect for the guy, and he'd know exactly who from the youth team might be able to make an impact on the first team squad. The only question would be if he could command the respect of the more senior players; those who have played overseas under much more well-renowned managers than he. If he can overcome this, he'd be an ideal candidate for the job.
  • Bobby Despotovski. Speaking of club legends, they don't come any larger than life than Bobby D. Once a lethal attacker for Glory in both the NSL and A-League, Bobby is a Johnny Warren Medal winner who doesn't mess around either on or off the pitch. A 'colourful' character who gave a not-so-friendly salute to Melbourne Knights fans in the NSL and was once spotted signing a "Sack Smith" shirt during a post-game speech in the Members bar a few years back, Despotovski has the respect of local players and the adoration of Perth's fanbase. His direct manner and no-nonsense attitude would see him perfectly suited to telling players like Srhoj and Pellegrino to up their game, and I daresay he'd threaten to pull on the boots himself if the team didn't show more imagination on-field. He'd be a godsend for the local media too, with his existing connections from the NSL days and a personality and charisma not seen in Perth since Bernd Stange.
  • Damian Mori. Another Glory striking legend, Mori has recently led Adelaide City to their fourth straight title in the South Australian Super League as a player-manager. While I'm not advocating he come to Glory in the same role, he has more coaching experience than Bobby and commands nearly as much respect from the fans. He's also had past experience at taking over from a sacked Perth manager, having assisted Alan Vest when he took over from Steve McMahon in the inaugural A-League season. To further his coaching ambitions, it might be wise to keep him around as an assistant once our European supercoach arrives next season.
  • Graham Normanton. Arguably one of the best coaches in the Football West Premier League, Normanton is coming off a successful campaign with Perth SC which saw them take out the Night Series and win the end of season Grand Final. I've always been wary of his lack of A-League exposure when he espouses his comments on local radio show Let's Talk Football, but with few games remaining in the year this might be his chance to get some time in the national competition. Normanton's teams play attacking football and tend to be very disciplined; but he's possibly been lucky in the sense that Perth are one of the richer clubs in the local league and can therefore afford some of the best players. Would he be able to hack it in a salary capped league like ours?

In the end, it doesn't really matter who the club ends up picking to replace Mitchell - assuming they have the guts to tear up his contract here and now. Many fans have already given up on this season, which in itself is near-unbelievable considering we've another five home games to go in the last eight rounds. Such is the complete lack of confidence in our current coach that many are bemoaning the possibility that somehow we do scrape into sixth place and as a result he's kept for another year.

Personally, I can't see the Mitchell of next year being any different to the current model. The same flaws will be there; they might exist with different players - perhaps Branko Jelic will be next year's senior player plying his trade with the youth week in, week out - but they will nevertheless remain. A rot has very much set in at the club; and while we're not back to the dark days of 'Sack Smith' just yet, I think we need a pre-emptive strike.

Perth Glory; it's time to Ditch Mitch.