What the hell do you mean??? Ronaldo? D'Apuzzo?? Come on!!
I don't mean in the amazing attacking midfielder sense, or a getting incredible goals from 30 metres out sense, or even whacking amazing free kicks in the goal through brick walls. But in the 'poster-boy', dark and handsome sense.
Now before you think I've gone out and got a man-crush, it was my wife who brought this to my attention during the game against Perth. "Whoo, he's a bit of a poster-boy", she said "they could be marketing him more".
"Hey, wait a minute" I thought "football's meant to be a blokey thing where we talk about strategies or how we was robbed / he really didn't dive at all / I could have scored from there" etc. It's not meant to be something where your wife notices that some of the players are female eye-candy is it? Or is it? I guess if it gives her a reason to watch the game and allow me less guilt for my football addiction, that's fine.
Feeling mildly offended - but only very mildly offended - since my days as a pretty-boy are well and truly over, I thought it might be a good time for a bit of a personality piece on the Jets lads. So I propose one of those tasteful black & white semi-nude calendars be done of the team in the different settings. This might be a way to get more of the fairer sex in through the turnstiles. It's worth a try isn't it Con?
Ben Kantarovski - he could go with the schoolboy look. I'm sure some of the lasses out there just want to give him a big hug and mother him a bit. He is the right age, after all. He's got those doe-eyes. And he's a really really good player.
D'Apuzzo. Since he's already been branded with the Ronaldo comparison, you would have to go for the "hot plaices, cold plaices" (Townsville, Wellington?) thing.
Ben Kennedy and the hippies. Now that I can see what his hairstyle was evolving into from last seasons birds nest, the whole Nimbin commune thing could be played up easily. B. Kennedy in a field of flowers with a daisy chain in his hair?
Tarek. He's one in the "nice guy" mold. Already a crowd favourite, and a good bloke too, since he took the time to have a decent chat with me when I bumped into him at an ATM (not stalking... really). I guess he just needs a nice smile at the camera and that'll do it.
Jobe. Hmmm. Tough guy. Rugged. Real Man - Campbells Fully Loaded Man style. Gritty. Powerful. Shakes off axe wounds like mosquito bites. Plenty of material to work with there.
Zadkovich. Young rebel. Athletic, cool, handsome lad with a point to prove. Classic James Dean-esque pin-up for the younger ladies to set their hearts a-flutter.
Ljubo. Ok. I'm not commenting. He's really really tall and I'm scared to say anything. I've seen him running down at the beach. If he saw me down at Swell he could catch me and beat me to a pulp.
Topor-Stanley. Stick him in the field of daisies with Kennedy, he's from the Hair Bear Bunch too. He's really really tall too but he looks like a very nice young man. Someone who would be very polite visiting your Gran and thanking her nicely for the cup of tea and the jam cookies.
Marko Jesic. I see him as the "Underbelly" nightclub style cool guy aka John Ibrahim. But I could be completely wrong.
Michael Bridges. The English accent. The Anthony Robbins positivity. The photo would have him with the Union Jack draped over his shoulder and a big friendly smile.
Ali Abbas. The exotic foreign guy. Interesting accent. Stories of hardship from distant lands. Bound to impress the Aussie sheilas on the exotic foreigner thing alone.
Wehrman. Put him in biker gear. Use the trademark arms-folded tough guy pose. Done.
Labi. Sensitive new age guy: SNAG. Metrosexual. A pink shirt and tie?
Marcello Fiorentini. Italian cliches ahoy! Even more metrosexual than Labi. And I haven't even seen him play. Look at that goatee though!
Brockie. Sheep. Lots of them. Just him standing in a field with thousands of them around him. Look I know that's a cheap shot but I'm at the end of my wits here.
Sasho. I like Sash. It's just that he just has the look of the cartoon villian like Dick Dastardly from the Wacky Races. You've just gotta put him in a black hat with a big black feather sticking out of it.
Now I have run out of create juices and we've still got Rooney, Patafta, Mooy, Regan and the new Chinese striker Zhang's Shoes. Let the forums speak...
Bring back the games I say, byes suck. Otherwise I'm going to have to dredge up up more black muck from the darkest corners and call it a blog.
