Don't you wish international football commentators would occasionally consult a dictionary ? Instead of providing them with a computer full of stats and player histories, perhaps FIFA needs to give them a crash course in the use and abuse of adjectives before they let them loose on an unsuspecting audience of millions.
Okay, so it's hilarious to hear their desperate attempts to reflect the power and excitement of World Cup football but hey, kids are listening ! How confused do you think they feel when hearing Miroslav Klose's first goal against Argentina described as 'a seminal moment.' ?
Now I know John Hume is a very experienced commentator and also (presumably) a man, so the meaning of 'seminal' should not be difficult for him but he certainly confused me. Perhaps he meant 'crucial' or 'pivotal' because surely the seeds of Germany's success were sown long before they demolished Argentina.
With the benefit of hindsight, Germany's 'seminal moment' was when Ballack was injured and ruled out of the campaign. Far from being a setback, his absence has proved to be a liberating force that has allowed players like Schweinsteiger and Lahm to shine.
And how brightly they have shone. To score four goals against one team could be explained away as a failure of your opposition's tactics, but to deal out the same fate to three teams from three different continents is surely the mark of World Champions.
Watching Germany's thrilling performance against Argentina it was impossible not to agree with Paul, the psychic octopus from Dusseldorf : destiny is on Germany's side. Even from thousands of miles away, you can almost smell their self-belief and invincible team spirit. This, along with their attacking flair and youthful energy makes Germany an unstoppable force.
Now I don't know about you, but it seems the pain of our loss has at last subsided enough to allow me the pleasure of appreciating all this brilliant team has to offer.
They are fast, young and inventive and they pressured their opposition mercilessly, leaving even Lionel Messi looking bewildered and frustrated. Barely 20 years old, Thomas Mueller's partnership with Lukas Podolski showed his tactical brilliance to fine advantage. His rather soft yellow card means we will be denied the chance to watch this future superstar in action in the semi-final.
That's a terrible shame for football lovers, but hardly enough to rain on Germany's parade. Klose has already scored more World Cup goals than Pele and is headed for the all-time record before the tournament ends. Bring on the unconvincing Spain : mere pretty boy road kill now as Germany marches ever onwards and upwards.
Yes, there's been a lot of talk about "respect for the opposition" but that's just subtle mind games. Loew has been repeating the same mantra since before the World Cup started and it seems to mean "I've studied you carefully, know your weaknesses and will fully exploit them."
Hard to believe that Loew's contract has expired and that he is expected to be replaced by German FA sporting director Matthias Sammer. He apparently fell out of favour when he asked for $4.2 million to extend his contract for two years.
Hang on, didn't Pim get $2 million a year ? Maybe Joachim and his 'mini-me' fancy wearing a bit of Country Road leisurewear for a couple of years. He could promote Australian fashion and we might even see a few youngsters in the team at last.
As for Group D's other survivors, I must pay a belated tribute to Ghana's unlucky exit from the competition. To be honest, I've had a long held bias against Los Celestes (okay, since 1997) and it sickens me to see them boasting about cheating their way to success.
A blatant and intentional handball is bad enough, but to admit to it and receive no punishment surely brings the game into disrepute.
"This was the end of the World Cup", said Suarez, "I had no choice." Um, yes you did. You could choose to respect the rules of the game, you could choose personal integrity over bad sportsmanship. But you didn't.
In situations such as this, the opposing team should be automatically awarded a goal. This would soon stop the "instinctive" urge of some defenders to slap the ball away in the hope they won't be detected or that the resulting penalty may be missed. Ghana fought valiantly and did Africa proud but they should never have had to face a penalty shoot-out.
Once again, this World Cup has shown that rules built on traditional football values sadly cannot be relied upon in today's sporting landscape. But Uruguay got their just deserts against The Netherlands and for the first time a European country will win a World Cup outside Europe.
