The goalkeeper started on the line but could go anywhere inside the box, and the idea was that both player and keeper had a more even (and therefore entertaining) chance in the contest.

Maybe.

I’m not so upset with that, but there are a couple of other thought bubbles from Van Basten that utterly turn my stomach. He is willing (apparently) to consider the elimination of the off-side rule and even to make the goals bigger!

Are you absolutely kidding?

Why not just play AFL and be done with it?

The whole point of football is that goals are hard to get. They’re supposed to be hard! That’s what makes football such a nerve jangling roller-coaster of a glorious ride. The margin between victory and defeat is tiny and outrageous skill is required to sway the balance.

Games like basketball and AFL where teams basically take it in turns to score can never inspire the passion and drama of football because goals are too easy to get. Anyone in possession of a mere tenth of his marbles ought to know that the easier you make it to score in football, the more you remove the drama and the need for skill. I can think of no more certain means of killing football than to go ahead with these spectacularly idiotic ideas.

The question has to be asked: is this (once again) an attempt to appeal to the American TV audience? Back before the 94 World Cup there were whisperings that the American TV networks bidding for the rights had asked for these same rule changes: lose the offside rule, make the goals bigger and even get rid of the goalkeeper! The argument went that Americans didn’t like football because there weren’t enough goals, so the only sensible thing to do was to ruin the best game in the world for the sake of a bigger potential audience in a country that didn’t (much) give a rat’s about the game.

Sanity prevailed, but now (with the whisper that America is the overwhelming favourite for the 2026 50% bigger World Cup) the lunatics are back in charge of the asylum. I didn’t actually see Van Basten giving his press conference but I’ve no doubt he was foaming at the mouth and wearing a strait jacket.

Next he’ll suggest some extra posts either side of the goal and give players a point for missing!

Seriously…what on earth is the world coming to when ex-players of Van Basten’s stature can stand there with a straight face and contemplate changes that would ruin the game?

And why does FIFA, the organisation charged with protecting the health and best interests of the game, allow such maniacal raving on its behalf? This, as much as anything else, tells me that FIFA has utterly lost its way and needs to be replaced by an organisation that cares first for the game, second for the players (all of them, not just the stars), third for the fans and eventually for the money.

FIFA needs a Crawford Report.

Adrian’s latest book Political Football: Lawrie McKinna’s Dangerous Truth is in the shops right now or available through Booktopia. Adrian also wrote Mr Cleansheets.