Pole Polishing Pollies

Ever since the FIFA corruption scandal broke free of the football press and into the mainstream media it seems everybody in this country wants to take a pot shot at the game's governing body, from newspaper columnists through to the average bloke at the pub.

Even our elected federal representatives and senators have lined up before the news cameras as if for a piñata party, excitedly polishing their poles as they wait their turn to take a swing at a paper mache effigy of Sepp Blatter, quite blatantly hoping that a little sweetness from the electorate might fall at their feet.

To my mind, a piñata analogy is apt for two reasons - firstly, the general consensus amongst football fans is that Sepp Blatter is an ass, a traditional shape for piñatas; secondly, like most pole polishers, these politicians are swinging blindly and lusting after a target that is for the most part out of their reach.

Let's face facts here, nobody at FIFA is really going to give two flying figs what the Honourable Member for Back-o-Burke from the football backwater of ‘Straya has to say about their shady dealings. This is particularly true when the politician doing the grandstanding obviously has no idea what he is talking about.

Take for example Nick Xenophon, independent South Australian senator of no-pokies fame. He stated, "The fact is Australia has a tremendous opportunity to actually play a leadership role to clean up FIFA. If Australia speaks loudly, I think a number of countries would listen."

That might play well in the tabloids with the great unwashed but, far from being a fact as the senator claims, it is just downright delusional.

Anyone with even the slightest interest in the political side of the game realises that Australia has absolutely zero clout in world football. In the eyes of FIFA we are not the oft-quoted lucky country so much as we are the lackey country - often an easy target and occasionally an unnoticed beneficiary of their whimsical fancies, from dodgy World Cup qualification paths in prior years through to the ongoing discussion about Wellington Phoenix's place in our national competition.

Football Federation Australia are as acutely aware as anyone of this reality, so it was of little surprise to your humble blogger that they played another donkey-inspired children's game last week and, instead of abstaining, blindly pinned their hopes to Blatter's burro-esque backside in the FIFA presidential election.

What was surprising though was that another politician, the Federal Sports Minister Mark Arbib, supported the FFA's vote after he spent the previous week questioning FIFA's processes and calling for reform on behalf of the Australian football public and taxpayers in general.

The minister had been quoted as saying, "FIFA need to clean up their game and until they do no government should have confidence in them."

He went on, "Seeing what I have seen in terms of the bidding process, and now we hear about collusion between bidding nations, it's pretty clear it wasn't a fair playing field."

All very good and well on the surface and quite possibly music to the ears of frustrated football fans in this country, but his spineless backflip after Thursday's vote shows that he is not the messiah some have been seeking - he is, like many a FIFA member, simply a very naughty boy.

In the spirit of the opening analogy, there are three swings I would like to take at a piñata effigy of the Federal Minister for Sport.

Firstly, in the infamous Wikileaks documents release of last year Senator Arbib was outed as a prolific informant to the United States Embassy. This is despite, as a sitting member of parliament, being required to swear his allegiance to the Crown.

Secondly, the senator was identified as being instrumental in the backroom shenanigans that saw the Prime Minister's armband handed from Kevin Rudd to Julia Gillard before the last federal election. His career seemingly benefiting in the process.

And finally, in his prior role as a fundraiser with the NSW Labor Party, he was accused of tying political donations with increased access, and hence influence, to the offices of the premier and various ministries within the state government.

It makes me wonder, what is the point of politicians in this country attacking FIFA at all?

Ultimately, whether the politician speaking out is like the Minister for Sport, or whether they are simply clueless on the subject like Senator Xenophon, I find it doubtful that they can do anything to influence FIFA. After all, it still remains a private organisation based in a foreign country, far outside Australia's parliamentary and legal jurisdiction.

If anything, populist posturing by politicians can only damage our reputation within the governing body since we don't have the clout to back it up. Even the English, a financial stronghold of the game and the most vocal in the campaign against FIFA, have seen their world-class whinging amount to little more than a handful of abstained votes and even less empty promises.

It may not be popular, and nor is it ethically exemplary, but maybe it is simply best to just let Football Federation Australia play the long-term game in trying to encourage FIFA's much-needed reform from within.

And just maybe our politicians could find some other way to get their jollies and hence save football fans the embarrassment of watching them polish their poles before the mainstream media.