THERE were two new kids in the playground at the start of school this year.

One was a cocky, athletic kid whose Dad was supposedly mega-rich. He had bleached hair and boasted that he would be World Surfing Champion by the age of 20. Sure, we laughed, if your Dad buys you the title! We called him "Surfy" as a joke.

The other kid wore patched-up clothes, kept his head down and didn't make friends easily. We bullied him a bit but he didn't retaliate, so we mostly just ignored him. I kinda felt a bit sorry for him. We called him "Stinky" coz he was always so sweaty.

Now Frankie is the head of our gang and Benjie is his right hand man. Stinky and Surfy both wanted to join our gang, of course, so Franky set them each a challenge. Stinky had to take on Bluey mano-a-mano behind the bike sheds, while Surfy had to ride a tube for thirty seconds. Nobody expected either of them to do it.

But whaddaya know? Bluey's one of the toughest kids in school. He has a moustache and weighs nearly 100 kgs. But Stinky took everything Bluey had to throw at him, and then landed a powerful kick right where it hurts. It was all over, and even Bluey squeaked that the kid was alright.

The next day after school we headed out to Buckley's Reef, where there was a ten metre swell. Surfy complained that Frankie had promised he could surf his home break, but Benjie told him to just shut up and get out there. Personally, I thought the kid was going to die.

But again, whaddaya know? Surfy paddled out way beyond the break and waited patiently for the right wave. We all saw it coming: a monster swell from nowhere. Surfy picked it up and settled straight into the barrel. For the next 30 seconds we could barely even see him. Was he still inside? Was he dead, pinned to the reef with his board?

Then suddenly he comes shooting out of the tube, pumping his fist in the air! We couldn't help but cheer. He'd made it to the other end of the reef, where a cross-current picked him up and dumped him on a sandbank, but he was in the gang just like Stinky.

Well, the year wore on and a few people got tired of Surfy's constant boasting. Personally I blamed his Dad, who wasn't even home half the time. Seemed like maybe Surfy was desperate to prove a point to the whole world, but especially to the old man. My Mum said there was a lesson there for slackers like me, and maybe she was right.

Anyway, the year went by and soon it was time for the end of school disco. Frankie had a girl called Moola Palooza, and Surfy had the hots for her. So Frankie told Benjie to sort it out. You can guess what happened next. [And it's at this point, Gaz, that you lost me. Maybe someone can explain in the comments below please? Thanks - KA]

Benjie was the DJ for the disco competition, and by 9:00 pm Surfy had won five dance-offs in a row. He was really a good dancer, and Moola and her friends were in the front row just drooling over his cool moves. Then Frankie gives the nod to Benjie, who winks and calls up the next contestant, a big, silent Maori kid we called "The Bro".

Now The Bro hasn't got much going for him but a fat ass and some giant man-boobs, but he sure can shake 'em! Surfy tried dancing rings around him, but every time he got close The Bro just bumped him off-stage and into the crowd.

"Hey!" shouted Surfy. "Not fair!"

"Dance on!" shouted Benjie, waving his arms.

Surfy was eliminated, despite a few boos from the crowd. Moola Palooza just laughed.

And so it was that Surfy ended up in a consolation dance-off against Stinky, who had these weird rap-dancing moves. When he wasn't spinning on his back, kicking his legs in the air, Stinky seemed to just glide over the floor on a puddle of sweat. Surfy kept slipping over, but Benjie just kept laughing and shouting: "Dance on!"

The ultimate humliation came when the dance-off finished, Surfy slipped over, and Stinky fell right on top of him, burying Surfy's face in his armpit. Everybody laughed, especially Frankie and Moola Palooza. Stinky looked up at the crowd with this big, silly grin on his face - finally he was popular!

Surfy struggled to his feet and wobbled outside, where he fell to his knees and vomitted in the playground. Just then Frankie and Benjie walked past, with Moola Palooza holding their arms.

"See ya next year!" they laughed.

Was it all over for Surfy? Tune in next week...