Part 1: Tilting at windmills...
"Ben. Hi Ben, it's Terry."
"I've told you before... don't call me."
"Sorry?"
"Mate, I've told you, Frank's not going to give you a lease."
"Huh?"
"Your house of international bloody roast bloody cafe is a bloody stupid idea. He's not going to do it in his shopping centres."
"Sorry?"
"What bit don't you understand. It's not going to happen. Not even at Broadmarsh. Now stop calling me."
"What? Ben, its Terry Serepisos. From the Phoenix."
"Ahhh. Terry, Terry. Sorry mate, I thought you were someone else."
"Yeah - no problems. I got a proposal for you..."
"Sure Terry - I'm all ears."
"I want to play a home match in Palmerston."
"In Palmer's town? Terry, mate - we love you. You know that, don't you. We love you and we all want to support you on this side of the ditch, but that's a bit of an ask isn't it."
"Huh?"
"I know it's half New Zealandish these days, but I don't reckon Palmer's going to want your mob coming in and stirring up entire canal estates of Kiwi immigrants that he want's to sell Shane Smeltz jerseys to. We don't want to piss him off before the season has even started."
"No, No, Ben, listen to me mate. I don't want to play on the Gold Coast, I want to play in Palmerston North.
"..."
"It's in New Zealand - North Island"
"Oh. Sorry. Alright. Why didn't you say. What's the place like?"
"Hmm... like Gosford... kinda... not quite..."
"Gee Terry, your not really selling it to me. Is there even a stadium there?"
"Yeah yeah, the stadium's fine. All good. Its got stands and corporate boxes and a big screen. Only one issue really - it's got this great big wind turbine at one end."
"A what?"
"A wind turbine."
"What's that for?"
"Well, it's like a windmill, except that about 60 feet tall and generates enough electricity to power the North Island when it's windy enough, which is just about every third day. The bloody greenies love it. Symbol of our economic freedom from imperialist carbon oppression on Wednesdays and Saturdays, or something like that. Is it going to be a problem?"
"Hmm... depends, Terry."
"Depends on what exactly, Ben?"
"... can we cover it in A-league branding?"
+++++++++++
Part 2: Speaking of hot air...
... it's widdle heavy Muscat time again.
If you want to know the real difference between Sydney FC and Melbourne Victory, you only have to look at the captains. Whilst Bimbi exudes, class, creativity and stamina, Muscat's contributions mostly involve an endless tirade of niggle and whinging. It's like a Ferrari and a Fiat panda. Max Brenners and McCafe. Bennelong Point and Federation Square.
And who does the rest of the league need to shag for the referees to get over their fear of dealing with this turtle-wax-polished-toe-rag properly? Not that it matters, because you just need to get someone faster than him to stand on his toes these days and he loses all influence. But... you know, it'd just be nice to know that our refs have some basic idea. Because on current indications they have absolutely none. Slightly mistime a tackle with little contact - straight off. Engage in some mutual jersey grabbing and it's a sure penalty*. Stomp on prone players and deliver a 94 minute diatribe directed to the man with the whistle - it's three wise monkeys time in referee land.
Still - what the hell; last time around, Bridgey rendered Muscat about as useful as Archie Thompson in a gold jersey. Victory hated playing wide so much that even the eight central midfielders of Sydney FC managed to run rings around them to the tune of 3-0. Not that history has stopped our southern "friends" from predicting the biggest walk-over since the last ice age. Because if nothing else, the Victorians talk a good game, though I wonder how they will cope if Copenhagen decides that they will have to pay for all of that hot air.
Admittedly I remain a little unconvinced of a few things with Sydney FC (like Terry Mac on the left wing), but Sydney have got their groove back and go into this match safely knowing that any sort of lateral ball movement is probably going to induce confused torpor in the poor lads from the Victory.
There is no doubt that Sydney will bring their A game for this one. It's going to be a cracker of a match, which Sydney will win.
++++++
Part 3: A climate of success...
Finally, just a quick note to wish the Sydney FC W-League team good luck in their final on Sunday. They've had a fantastic season to take the premiership and earn a home grand final. I cannot think of a better way of starting the afternoon than watching the Sydney FC girls win a grand final for the club. Good luck!
