Third after a Third.

It seems that a large number of A-league viewers have caught the Fozzies. This is a serious condition that manifests itself in pompous outbursts and can cause sweeping generalisations.

Symptoms include bagging the national team and their current coach, and constantly championing the latest European techniques. Sufferers can often be found muttering to themselves and firing verbal tirades at the largest targets.

Is someone in your family infected?

How can you tell?

What can be done?

The first step in containing an outbreak is too identify and infected person. An easy example is to ask the infected person a casual question like so.

"So what do think of Gold Coast's season so far"?

You of course are aware that United have played only 10 games and only lost one. You also must know that there have been 3 wins and 6 draws. You remember one of these draws being an epic 3-3 come from behind encounter at a rain soaked Wellington.

Also a dire game against a surging Adelaide that had been robbed of all its attacking options, thus resorting to defend for the point as any top class manager would do when in the same position.

If you're subject answers similar to the following.

"They are Sooooo boring, all they do is draw".

This is a classic knee jerk reaction to two weeks of spurned chances and is a sure sign that your friend may be infected. Infection is painless but if the proper precautions are not taken it can be very contagious.

We recommend that any healthy football fans arm themselves with the following knowledge vaccines to prevent contamination.

Melbourne Victory and Newcastle Jets both have five draws. Victory had a run of three 0-0 games in a row and the Jets also boast three 0-0 games while Adelaide and Brisbane have four draws each.

In most countries around the world, keeping the most clean sheets is an honour not a burden, just ask Vitezslav Lavicka as his Sydney FC side took the double in this way.

Gold Coast's last game before Adelaide was a 3-1 thumping of Phoenix.

By remembering these and similar facts it will let your mind travel further back than two weeks ago and thus prevent you from imparting us with your new found wisdom.

The only known cure is asking the inflicted person, if their team was lying in third place after one third of the season has passed and STILL with a game in hand on the leaders, would they be happy? Most people will answer yes, some more stubborn cases would say no - these people are too far gone and should be cut from your life completely.

If symptoms persist see a doctor, and give them a copy of FourFourTwo to help keep the Fozzies at bay.