Tommy was beginning to get very tired of sitting by Adam Sarota and Michael Zullo on the grass at Suncorp, and having nothing to do: once or twice he had peeped into the FFT magazine Zullo was reading, but it had no pictures of himself or interviews in it, '"and what is the use of a magazine,'" thought Tommy, '"without pictures or interviews?'
As bored as the trio were there was nothing so very remarkable in that; nor did Tommy think it so very much out of the ordinary to hear his agent Rob Jansen say to himself 'Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late!' ...but when Rob actually took a watch out his waistcoat pocket, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Tommy startled to his feet.
"Since when does Rob wear a waistcoat, that's very out of date style-wise" Tommy exclaimed but he trotted after Rob anyway with Adam and Michael in tow to try and discover what his conundrum was.
They caught up with Rob at Brisbane Airport. "What's the dilemma Rob?" Tommy inquired.
"We are late, late for your training trip to the Netherlands, ja" Rob said ushering them towards a large dark hole in the wall. The boys looked at each other quizzically. Adam said "I have been to a place near Netherlands, I was in Deutschland for a couple of years in the FC Koln youth system"
Michael and Tommy gave each other a glancing look which seemed to imply Adam was being a bit wanky.
"Whatever Adam" they exclaimed.
All three of the boys continued down the winding hallway until the came to a little hatch. They were ushered into the cave by a mysterious uniformed woman who was smiling like a maniac. The boys were then seated in large luxurious seats and were presented with a drink that had a note attached saying "drink me". A piece of cake was also provided which said "eat me". The boys were confused and Michael motioned to pick up his fork and have a piece of cake.
"STOP" shouted Tommy. Michael was startled as he dropped the fork.
"Dude, have you seen the in-flight prices for a piece of cake, it's ridiculous". The other two boys looked at the in-flight menu and agreed that the prices were indeed inflated.
"Besides I have just turned 18, so let's have some drinks and see if we can break Boony's record". All the boys agreed that this was a good option and they all started to follow the instructions of the aforementioned "drink me" note. From then on then boys were lost in a haze of drunken stupor for what seemed like a lifetime or at least a flight time to Utrecht.
They emerged after their ordeal and were confronted by a scene that became curiouser and curiouser! A magical land with people wearing clogs, there were large windmills littering the countryside and the odd smell of a Dutch oven.
The boys quickly realized they had misplaced Rob and were now lost.
Nearby they saw a familiar face lounging around and smoking a Hookah. It was Patrick Kluivert and he was very vague and looked really tired. Tommy walked over to Patrick. "Hey Mr Kluivert" he said.
"Heeeeey, its Tommy" Patrick's words came oozing out of his mouth.
"Hi Mr Kluivert, Adam, Michael and I are over here with Rob, but we have lost him and now we don't know where to go for our training trip" Tommy tried to find some helpful information out of the seemingly unhelpful Patrick.
"Well Tommy, let me think, you see I was in Amsterdam where I picked up something and I don't know exactly how I got here, but I think you head down that path and you will find the training ground" Patrick offered this information and then started to feel worried as he felt his body and became alarmed.
"Tommy...I feel weird, I feel like I have 100 legs, Tommy I feel like a caterpillar" Patrick was tripping hard at this stage.
"You are not a Caterpillar Mr Kluivert, but I'm going to leave now because you're creeping me out, see ya." Tommy said as he slowly backed away from Patrick.
The boys eventually found their way to Stadion Galgenwaard where the players were training in a way that was unfamiliar to all the boys. They were greeted by the manager whose name was Ton du Chatinier who had a big grin like a Cheshire cat. "Alright boys, get out there ja" he said.
The boys started joining in but found it very peculiar as they were surrounded by many characters with weird names like Ricky van Wolfswinkel and Gregoor van Dijk (which was oddly comforting for the boys). They finished the mayhem they called training and Ton the Cheshire Cat approached the boys.
"Nice job, ja. Tommy we are very happy with you and want to talk about offering you a contract, ja". Tommy was exited and couldn't help but to smile.
"Alright Tommy, now you have to go meet the chairman to discuss the contract. Be careful though Tommy, because the chairman is a bit of a mad hatter" Ton warned.
'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Tommy remarked.
"Oh, you can't help that", said Ton "we're all mad here, I'm mad. You're mad".
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Tommy.
"You must be", said Ton, "or you wouldn't have come here"
Tommy couldn't fault his logic so he set off for the front office leaving Adam and Michael behind. Tommy opened the door to the front office and was confronted by 3 people. One of them was the chairman who was wearing a tall hat with chairman written on it. Then there was the accountant who had 2 big buck teeth and looked like a rabbit of some sort and lastly there was a small gentleman slumped over sleeping on the desk. Tommy entered the room.
The Chairman was the first to break the silence. "What day of the month is it?" he said, turning to Tommy and taken his watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then, and holding it to his ear.
Tommy considered a little and then said "The 19th "
"Two days wrong!" sighed the Chairman. "I told you butter wouldn't suit the works!" he added looking angrily at the Accountant.
"It was the best butter", the Accountant meekly replied.
"Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well", the Chairman grumbled: "you shouldn't have put it in with the bread knife".
The Accountant took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then dipped it into his cup of tead, and looked at it again: but he could think of nothing better to say than his first remark, "It was the best butter, you know".
Tommy thought to himself this was worse than talking to Farina after he had had a "couple" of wines.
The Chairman looked over at Tommy and said "Ahhh Tommy Oar I understand you want too play for us".
"Well Mr Chairman actually you want me to play for you" Tommy answered.
"Well, take some more money then" the Accountant said to Tommy, very earnestly.
"I haven't taken any money yet", Tommy replied in an offended tone, "So I can't take more".
"You mean you can't take LESS", said the Chairman: "it's very easy to take MORE than nothing. So do you want to sign with us?"
"Really, now you ask me", said Tommy, very much confused, "I don't think-"
"Then you shouldn't talk", said the Chairman.
"Well that seems kind of rude", said Tommy. "In fact you guys seem kind of messed up, I'm just going to leave and go back to Roar for another season at least".
(The above story is fiction, and in no way represents real people and their actions. Except I totally think Kluivert is stoned)
