I’m writing this at 5.30am as I watch the England match against Andorra. I’m writing it because England’s performance has rendered me so profoundly speechless, this is possibly my only method of communication for the rest of my life.
It’s just coming up for half-time – and it could, I suppose, feasibly all change in the second half – but England are astonishingly shocking. This is the team that spent the last few days talking about how they know they’ve underperformed but now they will stand up and be counted. And then they play like this...
Nothing’s changed. They’re still plugging hopeless diagonal long balls into the box and hoping for the best. But they can’t even do that right – half of them are just going out for a goal kick. Gerrard’s just been nutmegged by a builder. Ashley Cole can’t even get past a shepherd.
After 45 minutes against a team from a made-up country that's smaller than Wanthaggi, England STILL can’t score. Andorra are admittedly throwing everyone behind the ball and not even bothering to chase it into England’s half but a team with that much overpaid talent should easily be able to draw them out and then scythe through them.
England are beyond poor. England are dominating possession and territory but they’re not showing any more skill on the ball than the part-timers they are up against. Passes are going astray, attempts at dribbling end in disgrace, free kicks are skyed into touch. My dog could play better and he’s 11 and got arthritis. (And he’s a bit afraid of balls, to tell the truth, but please don't let the bigger dogs know that.)
As the resident Jock, I should of course be delighted to see England struggling so badly. But I’m not. I’m disgusted. McClaren’s pub team tactics are an embarrassment to football. His players – with the notable exception of Aaron Lennon – are arrogant overpaid bumbling hoofers who, despite everything they went through at the World Cup and in the last week, are still convinced everything will work out in the end.
They’ll probably sneak a goal in the final 45 (ahh – they have, thanks to Gerrard. Oh, and another. And a third) and walk away with three points and McClaren will insist that’s all that matters. But they won’t walk away with their heads held high. This was the worst 45 minutes of football I have ever seen at any level. And I’ve seen Greenock Morton play.
And that’s what disgusts me. Once upon a time, England arrogantly refused to participate in the World Cup because they insisted they were so much better than everyone else. They were wrong of course, and the Magyars of Hungary humbled them badly when they finally did join in.
But maybe they should go back to making that arrogant claim once more...for their own sake. World football, right now, would be a better place if no-one had to see England play any more until they can field a side with worthwhile tactics and a squad that can play together as a team. And Steve McClaren should be sent into the football wilderness forever more. Even Middlesbrough wouldn’t give him his old job back after this performance. Or even Greenock Morton.
And in the name of God, don’t any A-League directors ever get the idea of giving him a job here. Please. It would be interesting to see what Gary van Egmond or Branko Culina could do with that squad though...
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Watching the Olyroos and then England, I remembered who Kristian Sarkies reminds me of – a better looking version of Wayne Rooney. (He’s not going to thank me for that, is he?) Of course, there is at least one significant difference between the two... Sarkies can score for his country.
It’s just coming up for half-time – and it could, I suppose, feasibly all change in the second half – but England are astonishingly shocking. This is the team that spent the last few days talking about how they know they’ve underperformed but now they will stand up and be counted. And then they play like this...
Nothing’s changed. They’re still plugging hopeless diagonal long balls into the box and hoping for the best. But they can’t even do that right – half of them are just going out for a goal kick. Gerrard’s just been nutmegged by a builder. Ashley Cole can’t even get past a shepherd.
After 45 minutes against a team from a made-up country that's smaller than Wanthaggi, England STILL can’t score. Andorra are admittedly throwing everyone behind the ball and not even bothering to chase it into England’s half but a team with that much overpaid talent should easily be able to draw them out and then scythe through them.
England are beyond poor. England are dominating possession and territory but they’re not showing any more skill on the ball than the part-timers they are up against. Passes are going astray, attempts at dribbling end in disgrace, free kicks are skyed into touch. My dog could play better and he’s 11 and got arthritis. (And he’s a bit afraid of balls, to tell the truth, but please don't let the bigger dogs know that.)
As the resident Jock, I should of course be delighted to see England struggling so badly. But I’m not. I’m disgusted. McClaren’s pub team tactics are an embarrassment to football. His players – with the notable exception of Aaron Lennon – are arrogant overpaid bumbling hoofers who, despite everything they went through at the World Cup and in the last week, are still convinced everything will work out in the end.
They’ll probably sneak a goal in the final 45 (ahh – they have, thanks to Gerrard. Oh, and another. And a third) and walk away with three points and McClaren will insist that’s all that matters. But they won’t walk away with their heads held high. This was the worst 45 minutes of football I have ever seen at any level. And I’ve seen Greenock Morton play.
And that’s what disgusts me. Once upon a time, England arrogantly refused to participate in the World Cup because they insisted they were so much better than everyone else. They were wrong of course, and the Magyars of Hungary humbled them badly when they finally did join in.
But maybe they should go back to making that arrogant claim once more...for their own sake. World football, right now, would be a better place if no-one had to see England play any more until they can field a side with worthwhile tactics and a squad that can play together as a team. And Steve McClaren should be sent into the football wilderness forever more. Even Middlesbrough wouldn’t give him his old job back after this performance. Or even Greenock Morton.
And in the name of God, don’t any A-League directors ever get the idea of giving him a job here. Please. It would be interesting to see what Gary van Egmond or Branko Culina could do with that squad though...
++++
Watching the Olyroos and then England, I remembered who Kristian Sarkies reminds me of – a better looking version of Wayne Rooney. (He’s not going to thank me for that, is he?) Of course, there is at least one significant difference between the two... Sarkies can score for his country.
