I know I'm only supposed to write about Group F, but before I limit my observations to the four teams inhabiting that group, I need to give all 32 nations the once-over.
You see, we (New Zealand) haven't been at the World Cup for a while. Limiting me to just Group F would be like telling a kid who hadn't been inside a candy store in a very, very long time to visit only the liquorice aisle.
So, to get this out of my system before I dedicate all my energies to Group F, here are my ten words on each of the teams at South Africa 2010.
Group A
South Africa: Home advantage won't be enough. Will exit after three games.
Mexico: A bit like the Pakistan cricket team. Completely, utterly unpredictable.
Uruguay: Last team to qualify. Might be the first to depart.
France: No-one likes cheats. Everyone wants them to lose. Embarrassingly.
Group B
Argentina: Coach Maradona inextricably linked with World Cup. Expect absolutely anything.
Nigeria: If any African team can win it, it's these guys.
South Korea: Semi-finalists in 2002. Nowhere near that this time around.
Greece: Still dining out on Euro 2004. A first round exit.
Group C
England: Will absolutely believe they can win it. Won't win it.
USA: Extremely underrated nation. Will win this group and make quarters.
Algeria: Welcome back Algeria. Enjoy your stay. It'll be quite short.
Slovenia: Unfancied and unfashionable. The European team everyone wanted to play.
Group D
Germany: Know how to get the job done. Best penalties ever.
Australia: Bored opposition into submission in qualifying. Will need more here.
Serbia: Better than you think. Will give no-one an easy ride.
Ghana: One man will determine their World Cup destiny. Michael Essien.
Group E
Netherlands: If they turn up, orange will illuminate the Rainbow Nation.
Denmark: Got past Portugal, Hungary and Poland in qualifying. Not bad.
Japan: Hard to know, really. Could be competitive. Could be terrible.
Cameroon: Love watching these guys play. Caution absolutely thrown to wind.
Group F
Italy: Expect to win every World Cup. Did win last one.
Paraguay: Nippy, slippery, tricky, pacy, racy, passionate, skilful, dangerous South Americans.
New Zealand: I get goosebumps just thinking about us even being there.
Slovakia: Kiwi's best chance of a result but they'll be tough.
Group G
Brazil: Worth waiting four years to watch. Brash, beautiful, breathtaking, brilliant.
North Korea: The tournament's whipping boys. No chance. Not a hope. None.
Ivory Coast: Never used in a sentence without Didier Drogba also mentioned.
Portugal: So much on Ronaldo's shoulders. Could all end in tears.
Group H
Spain: Will win group easily. Might even win the whole thing.
Switzerland: My feelings on the Swiss football side are completely neutral.
Honduras: I know absolutely nothing about this team. Neither do you.
Chile: Seventeenth in the world. How on earth did that happen?
