With all the hulla-ba-loo regarding Romario's quest for his mythical 1000th goal, a far more interesting and, it would appear, more credible story has emerged in Sydney's northern suburbs. After a detailed examination of his goal-scoring record, Justin Burman has realised that his life-time tally of goals against his goalkeeper brother Nathan currently stands at an impressive 99,999,999. Justin Burman, affectionately known as "Brumo Sr", readily admits that his tally includes goals scored against Brumo Jr while his back was turned, while he was nursing a bloodied nose and even a few before his younger sibling was even born. "I've worked hard for my 99,999,999 goals against Brumo Jr. I think it's a feat that will never be matched. I'm old, tired and my legs don't work very well anymore, but the will to get to a billion is strong". Brumo Sr dreams of scoring his billionth goal against Brumo Jr at the scene of his greatest triumphs - the Brumo back yard, using the camellia tree as goals. "It may have to wait until the house goes on the market or the current residents go on holiday, but one day the glory will be mine. I just hope that tree hasn't been cut down," mused Brumo Sr. Berta Aguayo has promised to record the special event on her ever-present video camera and share the footage with Four Four Two. Asked to comment on his brother's quest for a billion goals, Brumo Jr commented, "It's farken bullsh*t".

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Nathan Burman of Sydney