Worst mascot Award
Poor old Zakumi - the official mascot of South Africa 2010 - he was unleashed on the world with much fanfare and the future looked bright for the young, hip leopard who was cooler than the reverse of your pillow. The tournament starts and we witness more empty seats than Zakumi appearances. What gives, FIFA fat cats? However, the much snubbed Zakumi does take out this award after a certain crocked England former free-kick taker-come-hair cut pioneer did an even worst job of doing not a lot. That famous deep meaningful frown of Becks was presumably not matched by any tactical soul-searching - more a total feeling of confusion as to why Bambi's Mum was taken at such a premature age. 

Most patriotic reaction to a national anthem Award
North Korean Jong Tae-Se bursting into tears before the Brazil game. Truly epic patriotic weeping.

The Baldrick "I have a cunning plan" award to recognise pure stupidly in the field of footballing decisions Award
Wow, what a tough category. Diego Maradona's "give it to Messi" approach actually didn't sound too bad before those pesky Germans figured him out. Ivory Coast Football Association, for letting Sven Goran Eriksson to take their money, dignity and any chance of success by appointing the merchant Swede. Ha, who are we kidding - Pim '4-3-2-1 till I die' Verbeek and his 4-4-2/4-6-0 approach with Richard "Deadly" Garcia the go-to man for goals and thrust. The inclusion of playing a high defensive line and offside trap with defenders slower than snails with a slight muscle strain, versus a group of counter-attacking rapid youngster from one of the best nations in the world.  That said, England and Germany managed to do an impression of Sideshow Bob when he kept stepping on those rakes over and over again, by rolling over in similar fashion despite the previous games. Let's just give the award to FIFA for attempting to punish 36 women wearing skimpy orange dresses and promoting Bavaria beer without giving at least a trillion dollars to FIFA, by making the public punishment one of the biggest stories of the tournament and the type of global brand exposure that money can't buy.

The Luis Suarez Award for shameless handballing and destroying a whole continent's hopes, followed by a series of smug, condescending comments to make people hate you even more
Luis Suarez

The Jackie Chan Award for kung-fu inspired rip-cage cracking tackle in a World Cup final
Nigel De Jong covered the brief perfectly here. What made his obvious send-off more amazing was the Dutch reaction to referee Howard Webb in the aftermath. Despite this stonewall red after 28 minutes that would have seen the pragmatic Dutch's final end either earlier, they still manage to bemoan Webb's performance after the final whistle.

The footballing equivalent of being made to watch 'Packed To The Rafters' on repeat until your brain gives up hope and implodes in protest Award
Paraguay v Japan. "I love penalties as a neutral" etc could not even be murmured to save this game as we didn't love football, fluffy kittens or our mothers by the time this hell ceased.

"I was only joking before, I'm actually quite good" Award
Brett Holman. Australia's Top Scorer at the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. Our second top scorer in World Cups finals history. Yep, we did not see that coming. Especially when we didn't name him in our 'Top 50 Aussie Players' feature last year, but did include Ljubo Milicevic, Matt Simon, Fabian Barbiero and Tom Pondeljak, so we've been left with a few smears of eggs across our faces by Holman's efforts. 

Never blinking Award
Like Great White sharks, snakes, seagulls, and halibut, Mesut Ozil is medically unable to blink. Let's get this lad an Optrex eyebath.

Gaffer most gagging for a game Award
We're surprised that badger-bearded boss Diego Maradona didn't just storm onto the pitch in his grey suit towards the end of the Germany game, dribble past eight defenders and then head in his own cross, before being wrestled from the pitch calling the ref's mum a pig-dog-whore-snake. You know he wanted to.

Least accurate sphere Award
The J*b*l*n*. Don't mention the ball!

Most accurate sphere (of sorts) Award
Paul the octopus.

Best goal Award
Giovanni van Bronckhorst: 61mph of wrong, walloped vigorously over 41 yards past Uruguay keeper Fernando Muslera. Booooooom!

The worst idea since Mr. and Mrs. Bin Laden said "let's get it on tonight" Award
Craig Foster landed every nomination in this category, but his knee-jerk reaction to the Germany defeat gets him the gong. The studio-dweller's claim that he would have sacked Pim after the game, was only bettered by the suggestion that a delegation of former Socceroos captains should take Pim to task ahead of the Ghana game. What an incredible image that created though - imagine Tony Vidmar, Mehmet Durakovic and Steve Horvat marching up to the gates of the Kloofzicht Lodge, demanding to see Mr. Verbeek directly.

Coolest granddad Award
Cahill's gran'pappy has got a tattoo from his neck to his knees and is the chief of a village in Samoa. Now that is impressive.

Most laughable miss Award
Having been delivered the slowest and most accurate pass in history on a silver platter, Nigeria's Yakubu somehow conspired to blunder from three feet out against South Korea, spooning it back past the post. So massively moronic that he even started laughing at himself.

Most like an aging sailor Award
Dunga. The only thing worst than his half-baked tactics and unforgivable willingness to make Brazil play like Italy, was his dress sense. That horrible jumper and tatty coat, plus a dated flat-top haircut that made him look like a Street Fighter character.

Must-have accessory Award
Joachim Löw's 'lucky' blue jumper wasn't jammy enough to counteract the infallible fortune bestowed by Paul the Octopus. But the natty cashmere number - modelled duskily by the brooding German sex god - did rapidly become a Teutonic fashion craze, with upscale clothier Strenesse selling out of the €199 items overnight. Essential.

You've seen our take on the World Cup awards, now we want to hear from you. We've teamed up with EA Sports for the much anticipated October 1 launch of FIFA 11 and are giving you the chance to win one of three copies of the brand new game.  Enter here and tell us your Ultimate World Cup XI and we will select the top three teams from the entrants. Fill in your formation at the top and name your one to 11 players.