Player surnames and pseudonyms should be completely removed from all kits. Make it mandatory. Remove all numbers, too. In fact all players should be made to wear some form of breathable balaclava.

Better yet, all players should be replaced by robots. Balaclava-wearing robots. Yep, that'll do. That way we can scrap all semblance of individuality and avoid all future Matt McKay-type situations, just another strain on the mental wellbeing of football fans.

You see, last Sunday night I had an uproariously entertaining blog prepared for your enjoyment. There was even a reference to Pythagoras' theorem - far more side-splittingly hilarious than you would think, trust me. Then Matt McKay let me down.

Such is my admiration for the Brisbane Roar skipper it was, before Sunday evening, only a matter of waiting for the release date until I adorned my new Roar jersey with 'McKay 15'. Make no mistake; this would have been a big deal. This is where I had outlined what I like to call the 'Robbie Kruse Lesson'.

In short, the prior edition of this blog had me whingeing about Robbie Kruse's acrimonious departure from Brisbane, subsequent celebration in front of Brisbane fans and how glad I was to have not acted on a plan to feature his name and number on my jersey (I was very much a Kruse fan back in 2007/2008, favouring him slightly over Michael Zullo as I could experience a more goal-rich career vicariously through Robbie).

Initially my warning was one against the untrustworthy types such as Kruse, and how we would all be better served investing our full appreciation into the blue-chip contributors. Those who upon which you can rely to not up and leave, breaking the precious player-supporter bond. The Matt McKay's.

Now while Matty is set to depart Brisbane and Australia with the best wishes of everyone, my warning to all has changed to simply not trust any footballer. A warning that is compounded with almost every transfer window across the globe. The Robbie Kruse Lesson is but one stage of a greater awfulness.

McKay can be classed as only a minimal, understandable frustration in view of the broader picture. Kruse, as a result of his actions and accomplishments after leaving Brisbane, would probably rank somewhere around a moderate disappointment while I'm sure our Liverpool, err, peers, could detail what the high-end scale of footballer-induced anger feels like if the severe reduction of 'Torres 9' shirts I've been seeing in public is anything to go by.

And now I too am scarred, though not to the degree of all those former Torres-adoring Scousers - but enough to have a crippling fear of what may happen should I actually splash out on an individualised jersey. Do I now move on to another favourite - perhaps Nichols, Paartalu or Broich - and run the risk of heartbreak, embarrassment and financial waste (my Alan Smith Leeds United poster still mocks me), or scrap the idea and learn my own lesson? I think the scarring might be enough to put me off, which I suppose is for the best or else we might encounter one of those baffling "do as I say, not as I do" scenario's.

All I know is the only plausible answer to this problem is to outlaw anything that may be used to identify a player from the stands. Jersey names and numbers, personal choice of boot sponsors, haircut and sock length; ditch all of it. Then, and only then, will we supporters be in a position to properly admire a footballer's talent - or robot's talent, whichever.