Andy Harper and Mel McLaughlin are sitting in my lounge room.  Mel's singing "Matty's gone to Glasgow, Matty's gone to Glasgow !" while Harps is spouting words of wisdom as only he can :

"What if Harry's feet become mute ? Or hushed even ?  If I can mix my metaphors of anatomy and psychology in such a way."

Oh, mix your metaphors Andy, mix them !  Split your infinitives and dangle your participles !  Speak on, bright angel ! 

Yes, it's official : six months (SIX  MONTHS !) without A-League has finally affected my sanity.  I've drifted off watching late night EPL again in an effort to satisfy my football cravings and I'm dreaming that Matchday Saturday ,with its weekly dose of glorious Harperisms, has finally arrived.  No such luck.

Autumn and winter have come and gone, now the warm days of spring have arrived but still no A-League.  Weekend after empty weekend has dragged by at a snail's pace and still we wait.  And wait.  And wait. 

Last week the A-League officially entered the Guinness Book of Records for having the longest off-season of any domestic football competition.  In the same week, The Sydney Morning Herald revealed the results of a survey showing Australians were a nation of "depressed, overweight people in denial about their excess alcohol consumption."

Show me an A-League supporter who's surprised at that news.  Let's face it, there's nothing like a Thai takeaway and a few extra beers to fill the loneliness of the unfulfilled football fan.  (Sure, there are plenty of  services out there to help lonely people but I'm not sure my needs are likely to be catered for : "Live Football Chat !  Hey ladies, like your football talk big, brash and baffling? Ring 1800 Harper - he's always waiting !) 

If my family is anything to go by, A-League fans develop some sad obsessions to alleviate the off-season boredom.  My daughter has attained an almost frightening level of skill in Football Manager, the men in my family have taken a disturbing interest in something called "Friday Night Football", while I started supporting my local Super League team (they had a dismal season).  In search of some retail therapy,  I even bought a NQ Fury jersey simply because I couldn't bear to see it hanging on the Rebel Sport sale rack.

So what have you done in the off-season ?  Learnt a language, renovated your house, started a new hobby ?  Or like me, just sat around feeling deprived and bored for the estimated 12 hours a week I usually devote to football.

Yes, I know it's supposed to be good for the league, I know it's aiming to get more media attention, put more bums on seats. But what about those of us who've already got their bums on seats ?  Those of us who'd happily superglue themselves into their home stadium and just stay there all season ?  What's in it for us, hey ?!

Sure, it seemed like a good idea at the time.  It had been a season of great highs and lows and we needed a  break.  Like many Mariners fans, for a few months after the Grand Final it was a case of "don't mention the Roar" in our house.  Any glimpse of football or Suncorp Stadium on TV only brought a lump to our throats.

But that pain has long since passed and for months now we have been craving the chance to face Ange's boys again for the Grand Final rematch.  Not to mention see Emmo, Harry and all the other new recruits.

Instead, we've been given a LOT more time to do what A-League fans have always done during the off-season : answer endless surveys and worry about the state of the game.  Don't get me wrong, I care about the health of the A-League as much as the next fan but sometimes it seems fans spend more time trying to solve the A-League's problems than is good for us.  Mariners fans are discussing the club's tax issues, Sydney fans are concerned about membership numbers, it's like we've all turned into neurotic characters from a Woody Allen movie :  "most of the time I don't have much fun, the rest of the time I don't have any fun at all."

With so much time on our hands what should provide us with escapism and pleasure becomes a source of high anxiety.  Couldn't we at least have some "A-League Goals and Gaffes" on Fox Sports to give us a pre-season laugh ? 

Now personally, there's not much I wouldn't do to help my club : buy merch I don't need, sit through boring matches in the rain, even sell lamingtons if it'll keep my beloved Mariners afloat.  But the truth is, while I can worry about the Mariners all I want, the fate of my club is largely outside of my control.  When Peter Turnbull personally reassures us that "everything will be ok"  I'd like to think I can put my trust in him to ensure the right decisions are made.  (Unless I win the $5 lottery or meet a football-crazy billionaire. ) 

 I've spent enough sleepless nights in the past few months worrying about the state of the A-League.  Season 7 looks like a classic in the making but I'm beginning to resent the fact we've been kept waiting so long.  I've been patient and answered surveys and made a contribution to the debate.  Now I'm done with discussion, just give me the comforting ritual of match day and the chance to support my team.  

As Woody once said "80% of success is just showing up."